Going Down Well In Barcelona

I drive into work listening to my latest audio book, an Inspector Sejer mystery. There's two mystery's to solve here, firstly the one in the book and secondly why L says she's developed a liking for Sejer himself. Suspiciously she's retiring early to bed with this fictional character. So I have to see it through now, if only to find out what he's got.

Odd happening number two as regards L. There was a hint of intention the other day when she mentioned buying a reflective cycling jacket. Of course, if she bought one, she’d have to get some use out of it. Well today, she got the bike out of the shed but she's not happy about it. Just relieved to be alive she says and yes, the Daily Mail is correct, it has made her hungry.

We go to Wetherspoon's for lunch, lured by the cheap food and the fact I've got some 50p off a pint vouchers. So we get two pints for £2.78. The cottage pie was ok, considering it was only £2.99 although it reminded me of school dinners and wasn’t very large. We might have to upgrade to the £3.99 menu next time.

I get back to the office where I have a banana and a yoghurt but I'm still hungry, so I have a cereal bar. Still hungry. It's a good job I'm not on the bike; I'd faint. The Daily Mail will be writing articles called 'eating at the pub makes you fat'. Though I’m sure they already have.

Worse news still is that there's no cheese or fish fingers at home. How can a man live without cheese and fish fingers? L promises to sneak a packet of fish fingers home. Great minds think alike and I stop off for a block of cheese.

Woody Allen has always been a taste that I've never quite acquired but tonight we go see 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona', his latest 'return to form'. Don't they say that every time? It's basically another of his films about relationships.

Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) are spending the summer in Barcelona. Vicky is there to study and at the end of the summer she is committed to marrying Doug, probably the safest man in the Northern Hemisphere. Cristina meanwhile is committed to nothing and only knows what she doesn't want, rather than what she does. They are two girls with differing views on a lot of things but especially on the subject of love and relationships.

They meet a divorced painter called Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem) who propositions them. He invites them to spend a weekend with him in Oviedo, where they will sightsee, drink wine, and, he hopes, make love. Cristina being the adventurous type and intrigued by Juan Antonio, who is rumoured to have a violent marriage behind him, accepts at once. Vicky is the opposite, straight-laced, conventional, and cautious. She is appalled at the very idea and refuses but reluctantly comes along to keep Cristina company.



Juan Antonio is as good as his word. He takes them sightseeing, plies them with wine, and invites both girls to his room. Vicky still declines and although Cristina tries to play hard to get, she isn't very good at it. Then just when they are about to get it on (or off, if you prefer) Cristina develops an ulcer and is too ill for any passion.



So for the rest of the weekend Vicky has to take up the baton and go sightseeing with Juan Antonio but of course without the passion. Cue yet more wine and when Juan Antonio discovers that she has a weakness for the romantic sound of the Spanish guitar, you just know where it's going to end up. After a guitar concert in the park, Vicky succumbs to his charms. This is where the film lost me. It just seemed so out of character for staid old Vicky to give in so easily and after so little effort from Juan Antonio or perhaps all women that easily swayed, if you strum the right strings.



When they return to Barcelona, Vicky reverts to type and keeps quiet about queue jumping her friend, so Juan Antonio returns to plan A and the much easier to seduce Cristina. Glad of a second chance, Cristina wastes no time jumping into his bed and then moves into his house. Sorted. Until the ex-wife appears.

The ex-wife, Maria Elena (Penelope Cruz), has attempted suicide and Juan Antonio lets her move back in with him... and Cristina. Cristina seems to not be bothered about this.

Now things get a bit crazy, Maria Elena completely rewrites the situation by suggesting that Cristina was in fact the missing link in her marriage. Cue the three indulging in sexual tryst. Cristina confesses all to Vicky, who seems secretly jealous of her friend, stuck as she is with boring old Doug who she has now married after he came out to Barcelona.



All though is not well in the love triangle for Cristina and she moves out, cue another bust up between Juan Antonio and Maria Elena. Oh well thinks Juan Antonio back to Plan B and invites Vicky to his home for lunch. Just as she is about to allow herself to be ravished again in walks a gun toting Maria Elena. Vicky is shot in the hand and in the process finally gets over her Spanish lover boy.

So Vicky goes back to dull Doug and Cristina is still Cristina not knowing what she wants. They all end up back where they began.

Odd fare. A film with many unexpected but never very gripping plot twists. It was an implausible story about some pretty uninteresting characters and I think that was the problem. The acting was decent, though I can't work out whether Scarlett Johansson is a good actress playing a dumb blonde or a dumb blonde playing a dumb blonde.

We head home and debrief over a glass of two of the red stuff that had been going down so well in Barcelona.